Understand the trait, heal deeper wounds, and know HSPs are great at inner work.
Dr. Elaine Aron says highly-sensitive people (HSP) with hard childhoods feel the impacts more than most. We’re also particularly equipped for healing journeys and tend to develop valuable gifts in the process.
I’ve been doing HSP discovery work for almost a year, and Aron’s work (and initial assessment) has helped so much. Finding new ways to care for myself while embracing my sensitivity feels empowering. When I protect and channel my emotions and arousal levels well, I experience more ease.
“My research results make it clear that HSPs who faced extreme difficulties in childhood and adolescence are going to be at a much greater risk for anxiety, depression, and suicide until they acknowledge their past as well as their trait and begin to heal their own wounds,” writes Aron in “The Highly-Sensitive Person” book.
Aron shares the importance of being patient with the process and thoughtfully considering therapy approaches and healers to support you. For example, some therapists don’t understand sensitivity and misinterpret symptoms that may fall in the normal range for HSP behaviors.
“HSPs are more affected by a troubled childhood. The earlier the problem occurred or began and the more it was rooted in the behavior of your primary caretaker, the more deeply rooted and long-lasting the effects,” shares Aron.
Whether we had a difficult childhood or not, understanding the basics of high sensitivity helps with the daily challenges of being a minority. I write more about the biological trait in: “High Sensitivity Is Becoming My New Superpower.”
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1. Consider four approaches to healing deeper wounds
Aron categorizes healing modalities into four categories: cognitive-behavioral, interpersonal, physical, and spiritual.
“Those born highly sensitive are more affected by everything. If you think you need therapy to heal childhood wounds, get it. Each childhood is its own story, deserving to be heard,” says Aron.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
Focusing on how you think and behave, CBT prioritizes solutions for specific problems, like anxiety or depression. This practical, rational approach tends to be the most accessible for insurance plans.
“These methods may not seem very deep or glamorous, but they often work and are always worth trying. The skills will be useful even if they don’t fix everything. The increase in self-confidence from solving one difficulty often improves life generally,” writes Aron.
You can find these techniques in books, share the process with a friend, or work with a therapist.
One HSP-specific obstacle to CBT may be a lack of interest in approaches focusing on surface-level symptoms. Also, these rational tools tend to be developed by non-HSPs and ignore differences in temperament, which may impact self-esteem or arousal, if you’re trying to reach specific goals, for example.
Interpersonal Therapy:
This approach mostly means talking with a psychotherapist and centers on that relationship. This person can help with many things, like creating a new experience of early attachment, holding space for anything and everything, and teaching you to do your own inner work. You can explore your unconscious until you’re in better harmony with it.
Finding the right therapist makes a big difference, especially for HSPs. We might stay too long since we’re so good at therapy or use it to avoid being out in the world. We may also experience transference or the transfer of strong, repressed emotions we once had toward important others in our life.
“A strong positive transference has many benefits. By wanting to be like the therapist or liked by him or her, you may change in ways you may otherwise have never attempted. By realizing the nature of the feelings, ‘This person seems perfect,’ you can think about where such strong feelings might be more appropriately directed,” writes Aron.
Transference could lead to feeling dependent or facing the tough reality that the therapist cannot reciprocate. An ongoing transference could impact your budget as well.
Physical Therapy:
This path includes things like sleep, exercise, nutrition, environment, herbal supplements, massage, yoga, dance, or medications. We can often control these factors.
“Anything done to the body will change the mind,” writes Aron.
Managing our state can help with avoiding or handling “downward spirals.” We can approach issues with a fresh perspective when our bodies are calmer.
I often remember what one motivational speaker said: “You don’t need to rethink your life; you just need a shower and some almonds.”
Spiritual Approach:
Most HSPs gravitate towards spirituality. Getting to a place of calm enlightenment seems like the best way to master distressing situations and arousal levels. While spirituality helps, there are disadvantages and dangers.
You could experience transferrence with spiritual leaders, who may not be skilled at helping you grow beyond an idealized state of presence.
“A glowing, saint-like soul may be a mess psychologically, socially, and sometimes even morally. It can be as though bright lights are on upstairs but the lower floors are dark and unkempt. A charismatic glow does not guarantee much aside from a stress-free, disciplined life.” says Aron.
I’ve written more on shadow work, a Jungian depth approach, to address core issues rather than “spiritual bypassing.” Shadow processes support individuation, which I’ve also written about for HSPs.
“Real redemption or enlightenment as much as it can be achieved in this world comes through hard work that does not skirt tough personal issues. For HSPs, the toughest task of all may have nothing to do with renouncing the world but by going out and being immersed in it,” writes Aron.
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2. Why HSPs are well-equipped for inner work
I’ve focused on inner healing for over three years, and discoveries feel overwhelming sometimes. As I connect more with my sensitive nature, I navigate the process more smoothly. I numb way less and feel more aware of nuances.
“You can develop a good sense of the process itself, when to push, and when to back off. You have curiosity about inner life. Above all, you have integrity. You remain committed to the process of individuation no matter how difficult it is to face certain moments, certain wounds, or certain facts,” writes Aron
We develop our conscience and mastery of certain human problems. We become more complex and understanding of others.
“As adults, HSPs tend to have just the right personalities for inner work and healing. Generally speaking, your keen intuition helps you uncover the most important hidden factors. You have greater access to your own unconscious and so a greater sense of others and how you were affected,” writes Aron.
Recovering from childhood trauma happens in a non-linear way. I appreciate the benefits of using many approaches and trusting your intuition to find what works for you. Also, as Aron says, we gain many qualities we would not have attained without the challenges.
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“My oldest interviewee came to believe that difficult childhoods are chosen by souls destined for a spiritual life. It keeps them working on their inner life while others are settling down into a more ordinary existence. Or as a friend put it, in the first 20 years, we are given our curriculum. In the next 20, we study it. For some, that curriculum is the equivalent of graduate study at Oxford,” writes Aron.
Read more on high sensitivity in my recent articles:
- Why Highly-Sensitive People Love Individuation
- Why Highly-Sensitive People Embrace Spirituality
- 10 Insights From My High Sensitivity Journey
Photo Credit: Unsplash, DESIGNECOLOGIST
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I publish inspiring, empowering content on self-actualization topics once a week. I include insights from personal experience, research, expert advice, and others’ stories. I use my professional journalism and research background to keep posts concise, empathic, and trustworthy.
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