I just had a fiery romance that seemed to end too soon. I felt intense emotional waves. Through five years of daily meditation, I shaped a conscious foundation that held those ups and downs.
Through deep presence, I let the turbulent experience be a huge healing opportunity.
Many teachers, like Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sarah Blondin, and Liza Colpa on Insight Timer, inspired me.
An abusive partnership led me to try meditation in 2017. A friend gave me Tolle’s “Power of Now” book; it helped me separate who I am from my thoughts and emotions. Watching my thoughts, I noticed they seemed more positive when I meditated regularly, so I kept practicing.
“I have learned to allow the present moment to be and to accept the impermanent nature of all things and conditions. Thus I have found peace,” writes Tolle.
I’ve sat with my breathing for at least ten minutes a day ever since. I began noticing a difference when I missed a day, like something felt “off.” Then, I slowly deepened mindfulness practices throughout the day, paying more attention to the “Being” beneath the doing.
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Through my spiritual journey, I’ve discovered a few things I believe to be true.
1. All forms fade. My body will grow old and die. Our homes will eventually disintegrate. Embracing this reality helps me release attachment. When I don’t define myself by anything temporary, I feel more secure. I now view insecurities as a reminder to connect with Source.
2. Connecting with formlessness leads to healing. As I meditate, I focus on connecting with my breath and the sensations in my body. When I remember to see the oneness or “Source” energy existing in us all, I feel calmer and more aligned with a higher purpose.
3. Kindness matters most. I grew up in a conservative religious environment, and I once heard that we could sum up all religions in four words: “Be a little kinder.” That resonates, and practicing kindness feels peaceful.
4. You can only love others as much as you love yourself. As I’ve leaned into deep compassion, it’s clear that self-compassion has to come first. I can only genuinely care for others to the degree I love myself.
5. Relationships are a spiritual practice. This truth feels like the only sane approach to dating and creating close friendships. Tolle writes about “enlightened relationships” and connecting with the love that has no opposite.
“Love is a state of Being. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. What is love? To feel the presence of that One Life deep within yourself and all creatures. To be it. Therefore, all love is the love of God,” writes Tolle.
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Through the intense bliss of new romance and the heartbreaking separation, I kept returning to a state of Being and acceptance. That loving presence allowed me to see healing paths and ways to release old, unhelpful patterns.
“The happiness that is derived from some secondary source is never very deep. It is only a pale reflection of the joy of Being, the vibrant peace that you find within you as you enter the state of non-resistance,” writes Tolle.
My need to find inner peace beneath the anxiety and depression motivated me to continue meditating early on. Now, more than that, I believe connecting with formlessness each morning and throughout the day allows me to live from a place of love.
If you want to start a meditation practice, I recommend sitting for a few minutes at a time. Many teachers say consistency matters more than duration, especially in the beginning. You can also explore free apps like Insight Timer for varying techniques and traditions.
Photo credit: Unsplash, Mike Labrum
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