Turning 30 felt wild in unexpected ways, as expected. I went through a complete cycle of feeling sorry for myself, guilty, and embarrassed for not having “accomplished more.” There’s something about turning 30–Shouldn’t I have all the big life stuff sorted by now?

Then, in my songwriting-emotional-outlet process, I realized I wanted to reframe and get back to celebrating and manifesting beauty and wonder in my life. I credit Dr. Wayne Dyer’s work in “You’ll See It When You Believe It,” for his self-actualization wisdom.

What a blessing to live for 30 years! I’ve gained so much wisdom I can be proud of. My career took shifts and turns and somehow feels like it’s beginning to blossom in ways that were not on my radar. I won a romantic jackpot with my current beautiful, sensitive, loving partner. Maybe most notably, I’ve healed myself enough to connect deeply to love and other humans.

I have abundance in my life to celebrate, and I love who I am.

During my first decade of life, I collected rocks, told stories with beanie babies, loved math classes, and excelled in advanced reading groups. I drew pictures, sewed doll clothes, and showed many signs of determination, organization, and creative gifts.

In my teen years, I struggled to sift through the attitudes and behaviors that came instinctively and what the world expected. I wore heavy makeup to cover acne, snuck in Cosmopolitan magazines with my girlfriend, had sex (out of “wed-lock”), fell in love, and felt heartbreak. I earned college scholarships, moved out of my parent’s home, and began a four-year writing journey as a reporter and news editor.

My 20s seemed tumultuous with huge pendulum swings. I had many career and relationship strides and setbacks. I moved to San Francisco, California. I earned six figures and burned out. I reconnected with my femininity, creativity, and sensitivity in profound ways. Plus, I cultivated strong self-acceptance and self-compassion.

Looking back on all the years, I’m overwhelmed with heartbreak and gratitude. I spent so long blaming myself and trying to be perfect, then felt raw rage over the massive cultural flaws I saw, and increasingly discovered the stillness inside and around me–the calm beneath every storm.

I’d share this loving advice with my beautiful, sensitive, creative, younger self.

***

Honor Your Femininity

In the last three years, I’ve written over 25 feminist articles. I’ve researched topics like body hair, sexuality, healing from patriarchal culture, uplifting romance, perfectionism, and sexual abuse.

Experts like Marion Woodman, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Lesser, Melissa Febos, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Judith Duerk, Elizbeth Gilbert, Sheila Kelley, and Julia Cameron seriously inspired my feminine healing. Also, my female depth therapist and female abuse recovery coach lovingly nurtured my unfolding.

1. Feel all your emotions.

As a woman, I felt my culture wanted me to be happy and beautiful all the time. Like getting straight A’s in school, I kept striving to meet these unrealistic and unhealthy expectations.

Now I’ve crafted many creative channels and rituals to continue honoring and feeling the emotions in my body. Repressing them never works in the long run. Embracing your full self is the first step to believing you’re lovable.

Like the vulnerability researcher, Brown, says, “The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance.”

2. Appreciate beauty, including your own.

I went through all these phases: 1.) trying to be beautiful, 2.) feeling guilty for looking beautiful, and 3.) finally enjoying my physical (and spiritual) beauty.

It’s healthy to enjoy your beauty. My therapist helped me reframe this mental block. Though appearance doesn’t define your self-worth, it’s a sweet, magical part of being alive that we get to savor and share.

3. Practice receiving gracefully.

No one taught me how to receive. I spent so long not feeling good enough, and that limiting belief held me back from deeper connection.

Know that you are worthy, and it’s safe for you to receive graciously and say, “Thank you.” You are worthy of time, attention, and all the opportunities and joy you can handle.

4. Being always comes before doing.

Managing your energy matters more than controlling your time. Rather than being forceful to finish our to-do list, we get to be loving and immersed in our process in gentle ways.

5. Your sexuality is a blessing.

Being sexy and sensual are pleasurable gifts for you to enjoy. Experiencing delicious sensations and yummy stimulation is our birthright.

Explore your desires and all the creative ways you want to channel your fire and passion.

“Every woman has an innate erotic essence that must be nourished, honored, and expressed so that she may be truly free in her magical feminine body. When we reclaim our bodies, we reclaim our stories and our truth,” said Kelley, founder of “S Factor.”

6 Listen to your body.

Over the last three years, I’ve discovered a myriad of tools and practices to help me tune into my body, rather than numbing emotions. Cultivating rituals and spaces to feel safe in your skin will make all the difference.

Ecstatic dance, yin and restorative yoga, meditation, journaling, and songwriting are a few of my favorite self-love and listening practices.

***

Nurture Your Creativity

Over three years ago, I found Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” book and completed the program almost three times. My ongoing creative practices have seriously flourished with gentle encouragement.

I’ve written and published nearly 150 articles in three years. I’ve also created and shared over 25 original songs. Mostly, my life feels infinitely more meaningful, magical, and loving.

7. Enjoy your creative process.

Let yourself play. Share your creative work. Protect your creative process. Know that your process is valuable even if the outside world doesn’t assign a monetary value.

Cameron talks about “filling the form,” as a practice of showing up daily and taking the next small step. Being creative isn’t about the dramatic life shifts. It’s finding magic in the journey. It’s writing another 500 words, adding new lyrics, or releasing old emotions in dance.

8. Journal — daily, if possible.

Doing “Morning pages,” or three flow-writing sheets, is a daily prerequisite in “The Artist’s Way” recovery program. Cameron encourages us to continue journaling after completing the 12-week process. It’s a lifelong creative tool.

As a dedicated artist, I’ve been filling up piles of journals, and my experience has been so beautiful. I’ve also witnessed others increase their calm, clarity, and healing through regular journaling.

Spending $20 every month or two on great journals is such an accessible form of therapy. Do it.

9. Practice listening.

In college, I earned a Bachelor’s degree in Communication. One professor explained that listening is the most used communication practice. It’s also the least taught. That gold nugget stuck with me.

Keep listening. Listen to yourself. Listen to others. Listen to a higher Creative Force that resonates. Cameron says we’re not “thinking something up;” instead, we’re “getting something down.” Creating well means receiving and listening well. My process makes way more sense and feels way better when I listen.

10. Create because you’re meant to.

We’re all creative. It’s not about “if” you can be an artist. It’s more about “how” you want to express yourself.

11. Protect your creativity.

I lost many creative years by not engaging in my creativity because I got blocked. Our capitalist culture tends not to value work that doesn’t show immediate monetary results. I even considered myself “not creative” at all. Others had that special quality; not me.

Reclaiming my creativity changed everything.

Protect your expression and give yourself all the encouragement and spoiling you can handle.

12. Treat yourself like a precious object. You are.

You are precious. You are sacred. You are magnificent. Valuing your life and energy matters immensely. Life gets messy, nasty, challenging, and beautiful, and it all matters so much. Stay connected to the sacredness of your aliveness. Everything else will flow more organically.

***

Embrace Your Sensitivity

A year and a half ago, I discovered and resonated with the “highly sensitive person” (HSP) trait found in 15–20% of most species. Gradually, I explored HSP research, found Dr. Elaine Aron’s work, and began making big shifts to reframe my past and better support my present self.

Since then, I’ve written 15 HSP articles. I explored things like spirituality, work, romance, friendship, and healing from a sensitive lens.

13. Choose stabilizing foods.

You’re not picky. You’re not too much. You have a sensitive nervous system. Your dietary needs are valid. Notice which foods give you energy and feel grounding. Eat those foods.

14. Make friends with vegetables. Get creative.

If you want to have a healthy body, you’ll need to eat a lot of vegetables. Figure out which ones you like, find ways to make them taste good, and keep playing with new ideas.

15. Let caffeine be more of an acquaintance.

You’re sensitive, darling. That’s beautiful. Reducing caffeine helps you feel more calm and more grounded. Find other ways to enjoy hot beverages, relaxation, and cultural rituals. Get fancy with your teas and prioritize high-quality sleep.

16. Be a little “extra.”

Your desire for playfulness and being “ridiculous” aren’t “silly.” They’re valuable. You are valuable. Find your own metrics of personal value and success. Wear the fuzzy jacket and rainbow shoes. Put glitter on your face. Indulge your curiosities. Put stickers on your journals.

17. Trust your intuition.

I spent so long being in my logical brain functioning, that I lost touch with my intuition. That’s not a good life strategy. You can never create enough structure or solid plans to relieve anxiety fully.

You have to get comfortable with uncertainty, trust your perceptions, and ask for help.

Read books, engage in exotic experiences, befriend all sorts of people, and keep strengthening your intuition.

18. Protect your energy.

Your energy field is a gift, and you get to be picky about who you trust to be in your space. Find energy-clearing strategies. Know you can only process your own emotions (not others).

Meditation helps immensely. You can always leave a room or ask people to edit stimulation factors. We can usually adjust things like lighting, discussion topics, music, or temperature, for example. Your energy is worth protecting.

Heal Yourself

Of the 150 articles I published, most cover healing-related topics. I repeatedly dove into topics like holistic wellness, mental health, spirituality, abuse recovery, relationship health, and shadow work tools.

Embracing healing modalities comes naturally to me, and I’ve been doing the work to heal my inner space for years now. It’s working. People are noticing. I’m so proud.

19. Meditate. It makes everything better.

Connect with your inner world and your breath. Know that this tool is always there for you. If you ever get overwhelmed, slow down. You have options.

20. Turn anxiety into excitement.

When you feel anxious, know that your body is trying to tell you something and you have tools. Consider that your body may be overstimulated. Also, you may be excited about something happening for you. Let anxiety spur awareness and positive action.

21. Forgive yourself.

Find a way to forgive yourself and commit to doing better next time. You were doing your best with what you had. Feel sad. Take responsibility. Make amends. Then, move forward.

22. Love yourself.

Not in a cheesy, commercialized, bubble bath kind of way (unless you love bubble baths). Take the time to discover what feels good for you, what excites you, and what you desire. Be curious. Flirt with and romanticize yourself.

Loving yourself is not selfish; it’s the best way to love others. You can only love others to the extent that you love yourself. Keep expanding your capacity for love and creating space for it to flow through you.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built,” said Rumi.

23. Everything happens for a reason.

I choose to believe this because I keep seeing opportunities and gains disguised as loss–sometimes ugly, smelly, devastating losses.

Even the beautiful lotus flower grows through the mud. When you walk through mud, know that beauty is always nearby, just waiting to be discovered.

24. Share your story.

This wild journey we’re all on matters immensely. You’re important, and your story is worth telling and sharing. Get creative. Use metaphors. Paint a picture. Sing a song. Communicating authentic emotions helps you and the people around you to heal and reconnect to love.

Design Your Lifestyle

I got into minimalism over a decade ago. The process of letting go to create space for what matters most continues to benefit my life in numerous ways.

I’ve written and published over 15 simplicity articles. Joshua Becker, “Becoming Minimalist” founder, shared these three in his newsletter:

• “Through 8 Years of Minimalism, I Created a Meaningful Life”: The process of letting go, saying “no,” and knowing when to say “yes,” gave me the foundation to take on bigger, meaningful challenges.
• “How My Minimalist Lifestyle Helped Me Leave a Successful UX Career”: Minimalism has threaded through most of my favorite life choices, if only as a reminder to question the status quo and understand my priorities.
• “How an 8-Year Minimalism Journey Helped Me Find Inner Peace”: The habit of letting go has become an ongoing and profound spiritual practice. By letting go of everything unimportant and unnecessary, you begin to glimpse the truth of who you are.

25. Cultivate your personal style.

Find the clothes that look and feel good to you. Following trends or trying to impress others wastes your time. Discerning what works for your lifestyle and creating a wardrobe that amplifies your authenticity makes an enormous difference.

Focus on how you want to feel and who you want to be and tailor your closet to match.

26. Use appreciation to expand your abundance.

“I believe [abundance] is about looking at life and knowing that we have everything that we need to complete happiness, and then being able to celebrate each and every moment of life. It is about knowing that we do not need anything else and that whatever we need will be there when we focus on what we want to increase in our lives,” wrote Dyer.

You have everything you need. Sincere, ongoing gratitude helps you expand. I’ve witnessed this approach work repeatedly in my life and others’ lives.

27. Trust the pendulum swing — and protect yourself.

My therapist helped me a lot with this one. Question how much is “too much.” Who says what is too much? What do I need to feel safe in this situation? How can I let myself indulge in safe ways?

Sometimes, many times, we need to experience extremes before we can settle into what truly feels right for us. If you’ve been overworking yourself, extended time off may be essential. If you’ve taken extended time off after overworking yourself, you may be closer to finding your unique work/life balance, for example.

28. Dream big. Make plans. Be in the moment.

I’ve learned to prioritize what I’m feeling and how I want to be feeling. Then, I create the structure to support my dreams and creative visions. Then, I embrace spontaneity in what feels intuitive for each step of the journey. Cultivating balance and space for flow makes all the difference.

29. Do what you love. Love what you do.

“In order to experience abundance in your life you must transform yourself in such a way as to be doing what you love, and loving what you do. I would like to help you receive that call to follow your bliss,” wrote Dyer.

I remind myself constantly–currently with a sticky note on my door.

30. “Follow your bliss,” means “soul-satisfying work.”

Whatever you work on, make sure it feels deeply satisfying to your soul. To “follow your bliss,” as Joseph Campbell advises, means doing work that feels right and calls to you.

As a sensitive person, your enormous sensitivity and intuition will help you know when you are doing the right work in the right way. Trust the process, and know this journey benefits everyone around you.

Looking back on all the years, I know I’m where I’m meant to be. Even the ugliest traumas serve beautiful purposes in our lives. My deepest inner wounds motivated me to discover loving spiritual practices and build strong self-worth. I wouldn’t be the person I am without all the loss and struggle that guided me forward.

Realizing how much wisdom you’ve already acquired feels beautiful. What have you discovered in your years of life? Maybe it’s time to make a list.